Not Just A Diva... a Goddess
 
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Whining about the whiners.
Can I whine about the whiners? That doesn't sound like a very smart thing to do, does it. One should take the high road and behave in a mature manner wherever possible right? I only have one suggestion "Suck it up, princess!". That's all. Instead of the direct whining, I will instead make some helpful recommendations for success and proper conduct in an adult learning environment.

I would like to take this time to recommend that if one has a homework assignment, a worksheet or other thrilling bit of fun to complete that one should endeavor to bring to class the materials necessary for completing the aforementioned assignment. Should you fail to do so, feel free to pump students in their second term of study for the correct answers without attempting to find other methods of determining them yourself. In fact you should innocently monopolize the time of the 2nd term student with your incessant questioning. It comes as a shock to no one that you have no idea that IM stands for intra-muscular.

Another thought on assignments due at the end of the term - you should do them. In fact, not only should you do them but you should do them as directed. Putting your own spin on an assignment or just doing the easy parts of the assignment, while a fun idea - won't work out for you in the end. You should openly mock those who finish their assignments ahead of time - who has time for that crap when you've got a social life to lead? As a last ditch resort you might try complaining in front of the whole class about the unfairness of the assignments and the time you will have to devote to completing them.
posted by Fitchick @ 2:36 PM   44 comments
Sunday, July 02, 2006
In honor of the long weekend...
I have accomplished absolutely nothing. I have the best of intentions, honestly - but I do believe that a concerted effort at banking extra hours of sleep for the weeks ahead is an honorable intention. I think I'm topped up now, but another day off - what to do?

I guess I'll have to get down to the dreaded homework or studying. Gah.
posted by Fitchick @ 2:36 PM   0 comments
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
A flop.
The infiltrators, that is. How boring. We had coffee and donuts with them in the lobby to 'welcome' them. Then they went back to class with the ever brilliant and captivating Queen of Poor Spelling, the Princess of Reading Handouts Aloud, the Captain of Mispronounciation and the keen user of the phrase "N'THAT " . We snicker at their poor luck.

Monday was MATH DAY. God, six hours of fractions, ratios and conversions were thrilling to say the least. Its been established that I'm not a total moron, though my math speed has decreased substantially since my high school days. Onstar has revealed himself as a math genius with a mouth full of marbles. He's been upgraded from Onstar to Mathstar. Closely following him in his stardom is Tim.

I think Nelly is going to lose it or be driven to drink in the near future. She's now downgraded from going insane over the extreme workload and expectations to something that seems to be a combination of denial, disinterest and resigned positive self talk. Nataliya is still arguing about spelling errors and trying to manipulate the marking system to her advantage with little to no success. Tim continues to mix up handouts and cause a ruckus.
posted by Fitchick @ 11:46 AM   0 comments
Friday, June 23, 2006
Preparing for the infiltrators.

On Monday, 19 fresh meat newbie nursing students arrive. We have already plotted some fun for them. Of chief concern is the distribution of parking spaces. You see, when you're a newbie you show up early. When its the first day of school you really show up super early because you might get lost, or you might want to claim the perfect seat in the classroom, or you might be the biggest nerd ever to walk the face of the earth.

Of course, we the oh so cool experienced students no longer see the value in an early arrival to class. We're adults, we have lives - you HAVE to stop at Tim Hortons for coffee en route to school even though the line up for the drive through goes around the block, right? Now we will have to step up our game - plot together and determine the best course of action.

We had a rude awakening this morning as 4 decidedly not attractive-without-their-shirts-on workers blocked off a whopping 4 parking stalls for most of the day in order to replace part of the parking lot fence. All hell broke loose. We parked on the curbs, in the no parking zone and maybe on the sidewalk, I'm not sure.

We've suggested to Tim that since he is the first to arrive, that he should park sideways and block about five parking spots and await our arrival. Then once the five are full, the rest of us will park immediately behind them (because we don't care if they're blocked in)... it seems a sound plan.

We ditched the idea of printing up and posting 'RESERVED' signs on the parking stalls in fear of being placed on 'academic probation' *insert eye rolling emoticon here*. Another fine idea shot down in flames was to require the newbies to pay a standard $5 per day fee to park in the lot. I was willing to share the $ - I don't see what the problem would be.

I'll let you know how things shake down.
posted by Fitchick @ 6:54 PM   2 comments
Thursday, June 22, 2006
Gay Sex.
No the blog is not dead. I like to call it midterms. What fun!

So we're learning all about colostomy care the other day and my partner puts up her hand to ask a question:

Girl: "So... if a person's large intestine etc is removed because of cancer or something and they get a colostomy, then how do they have sex if they're gay?"

DEAD SILENCE

Teacher "Gay people aren't the only ones who have anal sex, you know"

More dead silence.

Other girl "Yeah!", looks embarassed and sheepish "I didn't mean it THAT way!".

Much laughter.

Teacher "Well there are other orifices, I'm sure someone's invented some sort of fake apparatus to use instead of the real thing if you are into anal sex."
posted by Fitchick @ 10:20 PM   0 comments
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
Verbal dyslexia.
For god knows how long, I have periodically taken leave of my senses and uttered something mind numbingly stupid. Not stupid in a "what were you thinking?" sort of way but in a "wow, that's really messed up - how did you come up with that?" way. One of my very first forays into verbal dyslexia was my mess up of the seemingly simple word BUTTERSCOTCH. Who knew that SCUTTERBOTCH was a flavour?

I've recently been witness to two other verbal dyslexia sufferers. Let me tell you, I didn't hesitate to jump in with both feet with enthusiastic and hysterical laughter.

  • DAIRY QUEEN: Pull up to the drive through and ask what the 'featured flavours' are for Blizzards this month... my favorite was BROWNIE BLADDER. I was still wheezing (you know, that silent laughter that makes you wonder if you'll breathe normally ever again) when we pulled up to the pickup window.
  • SCHOOL: There is an ongoing joke about our course outline and how it suggested that last week we do required reading of Chapter ?? . We regularly refer to it as chapter questionmark. Today it got a little crazy. Someone referred to it as 'QUESTION CHAPTERMARK".
posted by Fitchick @ 9:31 PM   1 comments
Monday, June 05, 2006
Overly efficient. That's me.
So I take the dog for a walk, being a good mum. Its not a nice day out, but I'm not just all about the fairweather dog walking. The first hit was that I forgot/lost/misplaced my dog walking shoes. NO probs. I'm well set up in my $5 flip flops from Old Navy, right? Pssht to the walking shoes. What is a little mud?

A little mud. Well it was a lot. And it squished in between my toes. No I do not want to think about it. It was gross. Also noted should be the fact that $5 flip flops do not have much traction or grip. Just in case you were wondering. Back to the matter at hand...

It was a fun but uneventful walk. We established that cows are not very interested in playing with at 16 month old pup. Shocker, or should I say 'moo'?! After a short encounter with two other dogs during which much chasing and playfighting was enjoyed by all.

Home we go. Dog gets hosed off outside the house. Dried off, in he goes to start his requisite post-play nap.

Me? I'm mud from toe to mid thigh. Gah. My sweatpants are wet and cold and heavy from the water in the long grass. So as not to make a mess, I strip down just inside the door and throw my gear into the laundry immediately.

Later I discover to my shock and amazement that I have left my cell phone in my sweatpants and that it has endured an entire cycle (actually an extended 'my clothes are really dirty' cycle) of wash, rinse and spin. Dammit.

So far I am amazed that it works. Really. Sometimes the buttons are unreliable, but whatever, right? Hah.
posted by Fitchick @ 10:38 PM   0 comments
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