Not Just A Diva... a Goddess
Thursday, January 26, 2006
Drama is fun.
Everyone needs to chill the fuck out. Yes I just swore in my blog, Dad. Hah! Okay... it seems like this week the drama dial has been cranked way up. People are losing it over things other people don't remember saying and that are taken completely out of context. Men are having tantrums over having to provide their name and identification in order to access the building. Reality is becoming optional ~ distorted and twisted as it is for some people. Everything gets blown out of proportion. And then they told two friends who told two friends who told two friends. And so on.
posted by Fitchick @ 10:47 PM   1 comments
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
The things I do... sigh.
My best friend has always pushed me to try new things, step out of my comfort zone etc. I've got scars (okay maybe just one) from mountain biking and eaten more raw fish that I care to admit (with minimal gagging). This weekend I had a mission. I needed a board game. Not just any board game... an "adult" board game (hint hint nudge nudge wink wink). Of course it wasn't for me (I'm sure the lady in the store bought that story)... it was for HER.

So being a practical researcher, I started trying to find one of those ADULT stores. And not the one with the bright yellow triple x sign, either. Nothing with yucky old men with too much body hair and sweatpants. Something classy. Is that possible?

Thankfully I stumbled onto a webpage where the "top" adult stores in Vancouver were listed. Off I went with directions in hand. This was a roadtrip. To my delight it was a lovely little store dubbed the "love nest". No blacked out windows or bright yellow signs here.

Hardwood floors, a lovely and tasteful display of fine hosiery and an impressive bookcase greeted me. There were more "games" than I could imagine and I honed in on my quarry with little difficulty.

I declined an invitation to join their mailing list, and tried not to stare at the cashiers imposing afro. Of course they packed my purchase in a brown paper bag. Classic.
posted by Fitchick @ 9:45 AM   0 comments
Friday, January 20, 2006
Wimpfest 2006
No. Not me.

Imagine for me if you will...

A 30 something-ish man of average build dressed in athletic shorts and a sleeveless shirt. He has short brown hair, various tatoos of nondescript design and a mustache. He plays on a volleyball team recreationally. Enter the mechanism of injury... the block. Visualize the off balance landing which results in a rolled ankle.

Ouchie. Wince. Get up. Walk it off. Maybe apply some ice. Right?

Nope. Writhe in agony at center court. Bring the game to a complete halt for 15 minutes. Get dizzy and nauseous. Get dragged/hobble to a bench. Demand someone remove your shoe for further inspection. Declare your low tolerance for pain. Watch it balloon to double its size.

Get woozy again and begin to dry heave. Get cold. Get the shakes.

Establish you have pretty good range of motion... minimal tenderness to the touch etc. Request an ambulance so you don't lose your dinner in your buddie's car en route to the hospital. Get oxgen. Get happy gas from paramedics.

Start to shake and quiver and heave as they gently wrap a puffy pillow around your ankle.

Make them stop in the lobby en route to the ambulance to get your membership card.

Cue the violins. Where's Dr. Couz when you need her?
posted by Fitchick @ 10:23 PM   2 comments
Thursday, January 19, 2006
So yesterday I got the honor of seeing one of my closest friends give birth to her first baby, a son. Me being there wasn't part of their plan - it just happened to work out that I could be there and they were fine with me being there for the big event. That was totally the most amazing thing I've ever seen. A very humbling feeling to know that they allowed me to be a part of it. Of course their son is totally adorable and I'm absolutely smitten with him.

posted by Fitchick @ 9:17 AM   0 comments
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Parents as Delinquents
So. Since when did everyone in the universe become someone's babysitter? When did the Parents Handbook get a new chapter entitled "How not to take responsibility for your children outside the home"?

I'd fall over in a dead faint if I came across a parent who actually took an interest in their children's activities and ooh... maybe interacted with them. I don't know if there are any rules in these kids' homes or if its just a free for all... but it sure sounds like it.

In addition to the jackass described in yesterdays' blog entries, I've come across unattended children (many of whom SHOULD know better) doing shocking things such as...

  • Gymnastics-esque flips on railings with nothing to land on except concrete
  • Jumping on weight machines
  • Running in and out of weight rooms
  • Chasing each other up and down fire exits
  • Playing hide and go seek in and out of BOTH bathrooms (as in girls and boys)
  • Wripping up magazines and throwing them over the balcony into the gymnasium.
  • Kicking exercise balls at each other
Okay, these aren't exactly shocking or maybe even that over the top. However when they're doing it when accompanied by their parent - its a little much, no? Then when you reprimand them you get the LOOK from their parent. Like you're such a big ogre for taking away their play thing.

Gah. Rant over.
posted by Fitchick @ 7:35 PM   0 comments
Dude, where is my blog?
Hah. Delinquent. That is what I am. Its not been a lack of inspiration, its a lack of time. Maybe its just a bad excuse... so without further ado...

INVASION OF THE SUPER DIVA. Diva Definition = An operatic prima donna. We'll call the superdiva "DONATELLA". Her m.o. is to attend random Step Classes and choreograph her own routine. She typically situates herself directly behind the instructor and does NOTHING that the instructor is doing. It is just slightly distracting to say the least. So this week she takes it to a whole new level... She brings her 8 year old daughter to "watch". Apparently "watch" refers to random high speed sprints across the back of the room with no shoes on followed by improvised stepping on a rubbermaid stool which result in several falls to the ground with dramatic sound effects.
posted by Fitchick @ 10:23 AM   2 comments
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
Reflections on a man named John

My good friend Joan lost her husband to a heart attack on New Years' eve. The shock was immediate and the sense of loss was enormous. Joan is such a warm and caring woman - I SO just wanted to wrap her up in the biggest hug ever.

I didn't know him very well, but I did know that he loved Joanie to distraction and had a wicked sense of humor - two of the most endearing qualities a man can have. I'm so sad for Joan, but together they had wonderful adventures - they said they were spending the kids' inheritance ~ Mexico, Africa, Hawaii. Everywhere they went, I received fun postcards. When they were on the beach in Mexico I got hysterical emails about their tomfoolery.

Say a little prayer for Joan that she may find peace and solace in her grief.
posted by Fitchick @ 9:50 PM   0 comments
High Maintenance Molly

Thursday might just be a superfun day. Its "show little old ladies how to lift weights" day. I'm a little scared. The last little old lady I encountered wore Isotoner Slippers to her weight room orientation. Today Little Old Lady One brought Little Old Lad Two (hereafter to be referred to as LOL1 & LOL2) along with her for a tour and proceeded to hit up everyone who "looks like they know what they are doing" to help them learn how to weight lift. They were there for TWO HOURS. Holy hell... what am I getting in to... more later.
posted by Fitchick @ 9:37 PM   0 comments
Welcome to January
Good god, what was I thinking when I decided NOT to call in sick today? January brings out every single NewYearsResolutioner there ever was. The crazy ones too. Bah. On the plus side I had some fabulous sushi for lunch ~ tried something called a Dragon Roll ... that kicked ass.
posted by Fitchick @ 9:34 PM   0 comments
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Location: British Columbia, Canada
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