Not Just A Diva... a Goddess
 
Friday, May 26, 2006
I don't want to work with people who suck.
Is it really too much to ask that I be partnered with someone or a group of people who have a clue or possibly a teeny tiny work ethic? I guess so. I'm told that this is the way it goes in post secondary education, but I just want to be open and honest about my opinion that this blows. In order to get a really good mark, I have to bust my ass - because no one else in my group knows how or wants to. And then then get the kick ass mark that I earned. Grumble Grumble Grumble.
Bah.
posted by Fitchick @ 6:56 AM   0 comments
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Ding Ding Ding!
Well, after much angst I passed my bedmaking exam... occupied, unoccupied and surgical. I am also proficient in putting on and taking off gloves, and washing hands. Whoop-it-dee-doo!

Seriously it was some great entertainment watching Tim try to make an occupied bed with Galjeet as his victim. Halarity ensued throughout. Galjeet was in great peril and risk for falling out of bed on numerous occasions due to inadequate usage of bedrails. Then there was much exaggerated fluffing/flicking of bed linens. I suggested that Tim was 'out of control' and maybe he was trying out for Nurses Gone Wild. Hee hee. Further halarity ensued when Galjeet indicated that he was in fact familiar with the "gone wild" videos by suggesting that maybe Tim wasn't "gone wild" in that way.


posted by Fitchick @ 8:53 PM   0 comments
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Just a quick funny for you...
So Nelly came to a dramatic and disturbing conclusion on Thursday.

We're going to have to deal with dead people. Their bodies, I mean. Like, when they aren't alive anymore and their body is just lying there doing whatever dead bodies do, it will be our job to wash them, bag and tag them etc.

Seriously.

I thought people went to the hospital to get well? Not die.

Don't the morgue people do that? Isn't that like, their job? Wow.

Someone has been watching way too much Crossing Jordan. Oi.
posted by Fitchick @ 9:01 PM   2 comments
Friday, May 19, 2006
Nutcase in seat 4b
A ten hour tour. That's right - it was another fun overnight bus ride last night via greyhound. Now this isn't my first experience traveling by bus. I'm aware that there are a diverse and intersting group of people who travel via bus. I just don't want to drive 8 hours by myself and airfare is too $$ right now.

My technique has been to settle in and read for a bit and then barricade myself into my two seat area with pillow blanket etc and snuggle down to sleep. No one tries to sit with you, no one talks to you. No one touches your stuff because you're lying on top of it. It works for me.

Last night as I got on the bus, I noticed the female seated in front of me. She was applying facial powder with what seemed to be obsessive precision. After the task was completed she brushed her hair, pulled up her hood and went to sleep. I read and then snuggled down.

About 3 hours later I came to, lying on my back. I looked to my right and through the gap between the seats I could see the aformentioned female. Hunched forward rocking back and forth, seemingly shivering/convulsing. Moaning, sobbing, talking. Turning to the right. Turning to the left. Leaning over into the aisle rocking and shaking. Sobbing again. Pulling down the blind. bang.bang.bang.

Half asleep I'm quietly praying that whatever is wrong with her will stop and she won't suddenly lose control completely and direct her agitation at someone (me). Haha... the paranoia of being half asleep on a bus full of strangers.

She got off of the bus at the first stop and didn't get back on. Thank goodness.
posted by Fitchick @ 11:04 PM   0 comments
Molly Maid
My mother must be rubbing her hands together with glee. Yes, finally... after years of hard work and reinforcement of correct technique - you guessed it --> HOSPITAL CORNERS have become a necessary skill.

Thursday was the first of our "lab days" where we have the opportunity to learn and practice nursing skills. Our instructor didn't make the best first impression on me, but I've learned that though my first impressions aren't far off the mark - sometimes I'm a little harsh. So I'll reserve comment. Its a hard thing for me to do, you understand.

So we did the whole gloving, gowning up and putting on mask technique as well as handwashing how-to. God I'm going to have dry hands. I know I'll hate it, but what can you do?

Then we moved onto bed making. With someone in the bed. During this time Leanna and Galjit had naps and the rest of us wrestled with bed linens. Its unbelievably hard to do this since you have to keep both the clean new stuff you're putting on and the old dirty stuff you just took off of the bed in separate piles on the bed, all the while moving the person from left to right. This is going to take some practice.

More true colors... Leanna was telling us how hard it was for her to find a shirt that wasn't too revealing in that it offered a prime view of her ample bosoms. She hoped we wouldn't think of her as a slut because of her revealing wardrobe. Sigh.
posted by Fitchick @ 10:57 PM   0 comments
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
How good is your TP?
So today was "Anatomical and Medical Language/words/abbreviations" day. Interesting stuff, well sort of. The best part was the abbreviations. We learned a new and not medical related abbreviation.

TP

Toilet Paper?
Temperature and Pulse?
Total Package?
Tiny Pickle?

nope, keep going...

Turtle Power?
Tangerine Picker?
Tacky Pillpopper?
Television Pusher?
Terrible Porn?

Nah uh.

How about 'Thrust Potential"? DING DING DING! During her own nursing school experience, our teacher used the TP term in a private conversation with some friends referring to a guest speaker and was overheard. In front of her entire stuck up no-such-thing-as-anything-but-conservative-conversations class she had to explain the meaning of "TP" and what exactly 'thrust' potential referred to.

Hee!

Also, another observation - sometimes people have body language/posture that is just freaking annoying, irritating etc. Who cares about someone else's posture, right? I don't know what its all about but my partner's 'stand with your feet 4 feet apart, thrust your hips forward and show me your ample bosoms' made me get all ragey. Who am I to criticize, but she's a pretty girl who should maybe display her assets in a more ladylikemanner and - god I don't need to hear about how much you love your white but now its dingey tank top. Get one that actually contains the girls, why don't you?
posted by Fitchick @ 9:13 PM   0 comments
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
It's getting good...

So I did really well on my first big exam, which is a relief. Also the air conditioning was in full effect so that was also a good thing. And I found my wallet, which is a really good thing since the b*tch at the bank wasn't going to let me have a new bank card without any ID which was lost in space with the bank card. Pssht/whatever to her.

Well today miss "I HAVE A REALLY LOUD VOICE" was on top of her game. What fun. We're finally getting to the 'good stuff', though it seems odd that I would term the 'good stuff' with reference to suppository insertion and the like. We're starting small - how to put on gloves, how to put on a gown, what the eff a 'sterile field' is. Good times.

And then there are the always appreciated shocking nursing stories. My favorite so far is the "unexpected erection during catheter insertion" and the ensuing discussion on appropriate etiquette for 'handling' (hah poor choice of words) the situation with grace and professionalism - which ended up being a basic cut and run maneuver. THEN just to keep the "men a part of the discussion" LOUDIE MCLOUDERSTON enthused that if a male patient gets an erection while a male nurse is inserting a catheter that they shouldn' t worry because it is not an indication that the male patient finds you attractive in that way.

In other unrelated news under the topic of "stupid questions", ERMA asked if there were Care Attendants in the OR (keep in mind that an RCA is described as... an attendant who assists people, especially older adults, who require basic nursing care.)
posted by Fitchick @ 5:01 PM   0 comments
Monday, May 15, 2006
From one extreme to the other.
Finally the first two weeks of class with the Queen of Poor Spelling, the Princess of Reading Handouts Aloud, the Captain of Mispronounciation and the keen user of the phrase "N'THAT " has come to an end. Don't get me wrong, it turns out that I think that ALANNA is a pretty nice lady with a friggin' great sense of humor but I will gladly wave a fond goodbye to the days of reading overheads one by one, receiving the answer "I don't know" to every technical question and trying to keep the teach' on topic as she frequently loses her train of thought. Au Revoir Alanna.

I had better warn the Vet Assistance Students that she's back to sub for them in July. Not. Haha.

Now let's move on with Marilyn. Who is actually a nurse. Whoo! Now there's a step up! We've moved from "can't read/pronounce/spell/keep on track" to LECTURES IN A LOUD SCRATCHY (I SMOKED FROM THE AGE OF SEVEN UNTIL 43) VOICE at speeds that are sure to wreak havoc with the esl students. Should be interesting.

Erma was going on about how the new teacher speaks too quickly and she can't follow. Maybe she shouldn't go out clubbing so much and then she could try this fun little thing I like to call l-i-s-t-e-n-i-n-g. You should know by now that I am not a cheerleader for the "WE LOVE ERMA" club.

So far Marilyn has dared to discuss *gasp* PAP SMEARS... and then "just for the guys" goes into the happy prostate bend-over-and-cough while my finger is jammed up your butt procedure. Complete with referance to the doctor "HOLDING YOUR TESTICLES IN HIS HAND".

This is where it is going to start to get interesting...
posted by Fitchick @ 6:43 PM   0 comments
Sunday, May 14, 2006
Classmate Profiles for your reference and enjoyment.
ERMA = 28-ish Filipino girl who had a full scholarship to Cal State but got into the "club scene" lost her scholarship and couldn't afford the international student fees anymore - she's got dual citizenship. Mom/Aunt works at Cedars Sanai and has looked after the likes of Lucille Ball, Whitney Houston etc. Bombed test on Wednesday because of her literal interpretations and blunt attitude.

FLOWER = Of Italian descent, one of 8 zillion kids. 20-ish. Drives a minivan to school and is joined at the hip with Erma. Doesn't speak in class.

GINA = 20ish caucasian seems to be a bit of a ditz with an odd voice. Amazon in height and when she walks she looks like she is sailing - NO upper body movement. Creepy. Brother just graduated from RCMP in Regina so won't be at school on monday. Wears dark burgundy lipstick.

LING = 45ishChinese with difficult to understand accent. Does Tai Chi-ish movements in back of classroom and hallways at all breaks.

LAURALEE = 35ish Also of filipino descent, bit of an accent and some comprehension probs .Has a good sense of humor and is very open minded. Married to a Muslim man.

ONSTAR = Indocanadian 40something. I have no idea what he is saying.

NATALIYA = Russian immigrant 40 something. Cool accent. Easy to understand. She's having trouble understanding some stuff. Easy to get along with.

NELLY = Talkative 30 something caucasian gal who has a chihuahua cross of some sort. Used to work in an eye dr. clinic and has lots of funny stories about clients whose wigs fall off during procedures.

GALJEET = 20ish indocanadian guy. Introduced as being very ambitious. Probably still lives at home. Likes to go to the gym. Has a beautiful slammed Honda Prelude with zillion dollar rims. Spends lots of time sending text messages and sleeping in class. In a bizaar display of participation he cut and dished up the birthday cake we ate yesterday. Very domestic. Questionable sexual orientation.

TRISTA = 19ish uber skinny caucasian soccer girl. Doesn't talk much. Cute. Seems pretty smart.

ANDREA = 19ish caucasian dangly earring wearing girl who used to work in housekeeping at a seniors home. Smart. Long Hair. Broad shoulders. She sits in front of me.

LEANNA = My partner in crime. 21. caucasian. Lives with dog of a boyfriend who is 38 and has a 2 year old daughter, can't insure his own car because of speeding tickets so he drives hers. Sounds manipulative. My project is to get her to see he's a dog. Not sure of technique yet. She is VERY SMART. We scored exactly the same on our recent midterm = so I've hooked up with a good partner it seems.

TIM = Indocanadian 40 something male with a degree in social work. Challenging accent to understand. Some comprehension probs. Seems like a smart guy. Married with two daughters. He will be 4th nurse in his family.
posted by Fitchick @ 5:44 PM   0 comments
Friday, May 12, 2006
May I take your order?
From the "What the fuck was I thinking files" comes this story of a very attractive, seemingly intelligent young woman and her quest for coffee.

Tuesday morning I pull into the drive through at Timmy Ho Ho's for a coffee order. As the girl is repeating my order back to me with the total I think to myself "Wow, her voice is really faint... like she's far away".

I look up.

I have pulled up to and placed my order by shouting "EXTRA LARGE DOUBLE DOUBLE" to the garbage can. Which is about 6 feet away from the ordering microphone thingy.

Thank god there was no one in line behind me to witness my display of intelligence.
posted by Fitchick @ 9:57 PM   0 comments
Language Barrier
Week two is done. Whee. My latest revelation is one of concern over how the heck some of my classmates are going to make it through this program. Five of them do not speak english as their first language and it is causing big comprehension problems for them. I have no idea how they are plodding their way through the pages and pages of reading we are assigned each night - two of them require use of those little blackberry like devices that translate words and phrases into their mother tongue.

I don't know how they will get through the exams where a lot of the questions require the ability to understand nuances and intonations or hidden meanings when they have a struggle just to come up with a direct translation in a literal sense.

I learned an important lesson today.

If you decide to say something in a joking tone that pokes fun at or mocks a particular totally unnatural stilted textbook response to the question "Give an example of a caring, interested and open ended question" one must note that those individuals who do not speak English as their first language will most likely think you are entirely serious and respond appropriately.

I ended up hearing way more than I wanted to know about this one girls' issues with studying, fear of failure and how she has had a terrible head cold for four days because of my witty comments. On the plus side it was a girl who seems to have probs relating to the rest of the group so it probably made her feel good that I/we were interested and caring.

Gah what an idiot (me).

In other news, Sammy and I lost two tennis balls in the backyard while playing chuckit tonight. Bah. Important lesson learned #2: don't chuckit in to the pond, and don't chuckit into the grape arbour.




posted by Fitchick @ 9:47 PM   0 comments
Sunday, May 07, 2006
Breaking the sound barrier...
I just remembered this one... in class the other day we heard a loud bang sound which could have been a gushot or something. Our class is near a busy intersection and we're subjected to various forms of road rage, booming stereos and other driving asshattery. So we hear the bang and the instructor says not to worry, it was a car backfiring. Rocketboy in row two pipes up and says it wasn't a backfire, the car was just "breaking the sound barrier" (also referred to as accelerating past the speed of sound).
posted by Fitchick @ 1:47 PM   0 comments
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
'n that

Someone you know have an annoying catch phrase?

  • So when you're studying 'n that.
  • You'll find the answers 'n that in text book bla bla bla.
  • Why don't you guys take a 5 minute break, go get some fresh air 'n that.
posted by Fitchick @ 10:05 PM   0 comments
Leveling the playing field...
That's what I'm calling the first two weeks of school. The topics are boring, stuff you'd have thought everyone would be good to go with - but at least its giving me a bit of time to get my bearings and get a good school/home routine going. Glass half full, right?

Today was nothing less than thrilling, the topics were absolutely riveting and included:

  • How to take notes.
  • The diff between taking and making notes.
  • Self esteem.
  • Stress management.
  • Working as a team.
  • How to read.
  • How to study.
  • How to memorize.
Tomorrow we finally move onto the fabulous topic of Human Relations - stuff like empathy, warmth, patient/nurse roles in a relationship etc. Whoo!

As a side note, I'm noticing that the handouts we're receiving (today we got 12) must have been written by an esl student or something... "Sometimes you'll need to take a brake from studying" and other bizaar spelling/grammatical errors.

How do you spell strategy? Our instructor spelled it S-T-R-A-G-Y on the whiteboard today. Hee!

Home - finally got curtains... no more worrying about the neighbors getting a free show. Computer desk put together, pics put up and well just feeling more at home, finally!
posted by Fitchick @ 9:56 PM   0 comments
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
LPN School the dirt...
So I'm going to one of those "community colleges" sometimes referred to as technical school. Whatever. They are definatly of a different breed there. I could care less as I just want my diploma and then I'm outta there, right? But its going to be an entertaining year for sure.

First off...

The leader chick (I refuse to call her the 'campus director' as I'm sure I have more education than her but I digress) calls each student in my class to her office yesterday. As expected its about payment of tuition. To say we're paying through the nose for this course is an understatement but again, whatever. So its my turn.



So I see here that we've got your $150 deposit and that's it.

Yup, I'll have full payment of tuition next week, no problems there.

Yeah, so I need you to make a payment on your tuition today. We're not holding your spot here just based upon your good looks.

I don't have any cash with me and my cheques are at home. I can bring a payment tomorrow.

How much can you give me?

Um, $1000?

rifles through papers looking for tuition costs and starts writing stuff down
you don't know how much the tuition is but that is the purpose of this convo?

Yeah, so you need to pay 1/4 of your tuition today. It is due.

And that is how much... (no I don't do math in my head)

consults papers

$5475.96

Okay, I'll bring it tomorrow no problem.

Then you'll be on a payment plan so I'll need post dated cheques for the first of each of the next three months. Thats one for June 1, one for July 1 and one for August 1.
Thanks I didn't know what you meant by a cheque for each of the next three months.


Yeah ok.

FAST FORWARD TO THIS MORNING

(calls me into her office to IMMEDIATELY cut her the cheque)

Good thing you're here, the owner of the company called me last night and said 'so what's going on with Kristen's tuition?'.

As if the owner/ceo whatever even knows who the fuck I am. Like am I 8 years old or something here? Puhleeeeeeeeez.
posted by Fitchick @ 6:54 PM   2 comments
I'm back, baby!
So I'm back after a long abscence. I started LPN School yesterday so I have new experiences and material to share. It should be fun.
posted by Fitchick @ 6:48 PM   0 comments
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